My journey started almost seven years ago now. At the time I was the mother to an almost 12 year old son, a 2 year old daughter, and a 5 month old son.
Things were as “normal” as could be, every day was similar to the day before. Then on May 11th, 2010, my world shattered.
I have relived that day over and over so many times. Through my journey, through writing my book, through telling my story, and even in my dreams.
I have gone over the “woulda – shoulda – coulda’s” a million times.
However nothing changes the facts. Don’t get me wrong – I wish I could, but life doesn’t work that way and that was not the hand I was dealt.
May is a hard month for me, Zackary died on the 11th and my mother died on the 25th. Then when you have Mother’s Day in the middle of all of it… the one day I’m supposed to celebrate with both of those people… May gets a little rough.
I used to think that the first year would be the hardest, and don’t get me wrong, it was HELL. However now that we’re nearing 10 – TEN – years… that’s double digits… I feel more anxiety.
This year, with the help of our community forum, all of you, and my family, I’m hoping I’ll be able to deal with the anxiety. I never know until “that day” how it will hit me.
My heart is with all of you, as this journey is not easy. I’m here to talk, hold your hand, give you a shoulder or an ear. You are not alone.