Lotrell Warren Lunsford

You are NOT alone…

We at Break Our Silence keep telling you that you’re not alone, and we’ve even got the forum for you to have an outlet. Well Kristina (yes the author lady) is also an admin on an amazing group on Facebook called Angel Parents.

There you will find not only other parents who understand, but different ways to interact through your day/week, as well as ways to cope, friends to make, and others who understand.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact us here, or you can contact the page admins for Angel Parents.

You are not alone, and we won’t let you forget that.

Lotrell Warren Lunsford

December – Holidays, birthdays, emotions…

December….

A time when most people are thinking about holiday gatherings, decorations, baking goodies, presents to give, letters to Santa, and so much more.

Now I’m not saying I don’t think of those things. What I am saying is that my December is usually a roller coaster of emotions. It starts out on a bittersweet moment, the first is my mother’s birthday, and since she’s been gone 15 years, that’s a bit of a sad moment, but then the 5th is Zack’s birthday. This year he would have turned 8 years old. EIGHT! That means we’re almost to double digits! That is 10 years until adulthood! And yet on a day that I should have been celebrating, I was a crying and emotional mess. I have an amazing support group of family and friends that were there for me, encouraging me, my husband even brought me a yummy snack home when he got out of work, but the day was still missing so much.

That was a day that I should have baked a cake for my youngest son, that we should have watched him blow out the candles, make a wish, open presents, and there should have been a party with all his friends.

But there wasn’t.

I woke up with an emptiness in my heart. No birthday kisses, no special breakfast or dinner, no birthday spankings (with a pinch to grow an inch), nothing special, nothing to really indicate it was anything different than the day before or after. The only indication was the emptiness, and that reminder of my soul not being whole.

I’ve learned a lot in these past 7 years since Mr. Man passed away. I’ve learned that it is okay to be okay. I’ve learned that it is also okay to not be okay. I’ve learned that I can have my moments of anger, sadness, grief, happiness, and even joy. However I have also learned that my son’s memory is more than just the day he passed. I have learned that I was blessed to be his Mommy for the short time that I had him in my body and in my arms. I have learned that remembering him isn’t a bad thing, and that by sharing his memory he can live on in others as well.

There are still those days out of the year that give an extra little stab to my heart, like his birthday and the day he died. I have realized though that its okay to have those days

Then you’ve got Christmas around the corner from Zack’s birthday, and there’s more emotions involved there, but every year it gets easier. I’m not saying it gets better, just easier.  I’ve learned ways to handle my emotions, ways to keep Zack’s memory alive, and even ways to bring his memory into things with extended family and such. Some days it feels as natural as breathing, other days it requires more the talent of an experienced tight-rope walker.

However, this is the hand I was dealt, the cards I was given. I will not fold, I will play through to the end. I have decided that I’m walking away the winner because I got to be Zack’s Mommy.

I usually try to do these posts at the beginning of the month, along with sending out the newsletter; yet here we are at the end of the month. I don’t know if it is from the time that has passed, or just because of the holidays and this month – I don’t know – but this month, this post, and the newsletter have been extremely hard for me to write.

To all Angel Parents:

I know this month is hard for many of you, some just because of the holidays, others because of that and certain days that correlate with your Angel. Know that you’re not alone, and that if you need to reach out, we are here for you.

Your Angel was loved, IS loved, and will always be a part of you.

And we will try to help others remember your Angel too.

May your 2018 be a year filled with laughter, love, joy, wonder, and may you always know that you’re not alone.

Lotrell Warren Lunsford

November…a time for giving thanks, fall colors, and remembering…

November is here already! Where has the year gone? My mom always used to tell me that as I got older, the time would fly faster. I just didn’t think it would fly this fast.

Here in our neck of the woods, November means Thanksgiving, stuffing the turkey, pumpkin pie, and family gathered round the table for a special meal. The hard part of this holiday is that we are missing a face..well actually two faces in our family. My husband lost his sister to a car accident when he was only 13, so we not only have Zack’s missing face, but also Jennifer’s as well.  Now there are so many things for us to give thanks for, our other children, our happy marriage, our family, our home, our jobs, etc. Yet there is also that bittersweet feeling of missing those loved ones that we feel SHOULD be there.

As the leaves change to autumn colors and they start to fall to the ground, nature gives us such a beautiful picture. The seasons are changing, the cold weather comes in, and most start thinking of winter, and what is to come after Thanksgiving. Some think about black Friday, others about when to put up their holiday decorations, and some think about winter vacations.

As we work through November, Thanksgiving, and into December, my thoughts go back to Zack. We never got to celebrate Thanksgiving with him, and his birthday is the first week of December; so that is a definite emotional time. I wonder what he would be doing, what his favorite part of “turkey day” would be, if he would write letters to Santa, if he would enjoy playing in piles of leaves…

So many “what-ifs” and “I wonder…”

What are some of the things that you remember most about your Angel this time of year? What are things you wonder? Share with us in the forum under the General Discussion section.

May your days be blessed, and know that you are not alone.

Kristina

Lotrell Warren Lunsford

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

It has been some time since you’ve heard from us, but we’re trying to get back on track. I have been going through some medical issues (2 surgeries and other medical procedures) that have made it difficult and slow to work on things for the website beyond maintenance and upkeep. I’ve focused on other areas that I can work on, helping families, outreach, networking, etc. I’ve been here, it has just been a bit more low key.

We’ve got some updates coming to the website:

  • New resource information organized by world wide, state, and international areas. We will also have an area for you to submit information on organizations, websites, etc.
  • Area that covers possible triggers – gathered from other Angel Families. Be it movies, music, books, religious quotations, etc. Also another submission area.
  • Area for items that help – once again gathered from other Angel Families. This would also be movies, music, books, religious quotations, etc. This will also have a submission area.

As things continue to change, we will post updates and this information will always be in our newsletter.

Now, the month of October…it is a vital month of remembrance for so many families as it is recognized world wide for being the Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. The specific date is October 15th, but the entire month is important. This is a time for Angel Families to come together, to remember together, to share, to mourn, grieve, rejoice in the memories, and just take a moment to pause.

This is a time that so many Angel Families actually feel they can be more open about their loss. This is a time that they can rejoice in the love they have for that precious child, and also a time they can openly mourn and grieve over the loss of that precious child.

So many Angel Families don’t feel that they can be open any other time of the year, so this month is very important. For those of you who have suffered this loss, remember, you are not alone. We are here. There are so many of us that know the pain, you do not have to go through this alone. For those of you that are close to, connected to, or work with Angel Families, take a moment and remember… remember those families, remember the children, and give the families a  bit of love, acknowledgement, and sometimes just a smile and a hug will do wonders.

As we get through October, the holidays will be fast upon us. Take this time to pause, take a deep breath, and charge your batteries. You are not alone.

From one Angel Parent to all of you,

Kristina

Lotrell Warren Lunsford

Summer is here…

June…

The month where school ends, summer vacation begins, and so many memories are made in the sun. This is also a time where so many Angel Families miss their Angel even more. The reason for this, and what so many don’t understand, is because we’re missing one heartbeat in our family tree. Summer is a time when so many families plan a family vacation…and that is a hard thing to think about for Angel Families.

When you plan your vacation, you consider where you want to go, the ages of everyone, the activities you want to plan, how many tickets you might need, the number of snacks and drinks even…

For Angel Families, we know the number we SHOULD have, and then there’s the number we really have now. This is all hard for us to think about and realize each and every time. Take that down to every day activities, and that really compounds it all.

Summer time is also a time when Angel Families, just like so many others who have lost loved ones, visit the cemetery. There’s clean up that needs done, there’s new decorations to be placed, new landscaping to be done. Most people think about this for a grandparent’s grave, an aunt, an uncle, or another family member… Angel Families do this for their child.

Many would say how great that is that they do that. However, think about how “out of the norm” that really is. We’re not supposed to be decorating and cleaning the graves of our CHILDREN. They are the ones who are supposed to be doing ours one day. Our children are supposed to be the ones that visit OUR graves, reminiscing, laughing, crying, and telling stories to each other.

However, that is not our journey. We Angel Families are the ones that go to the graves that look like every other grave in the cemetery, yet we know that what lies below the earth is a much smaller casket.

To all the Angel Families out there: You are not alone. We are here to help, to give a shoulder, an ear, or to just share a cup of coffee.

To those who are not Angel Families: Take a moment, regardless of how brief, and let those who are Angel Families know that you care and that you remember. In the end, that is really all we want to know.

Lotrell Warren Lunsford

New Changes, Updates, and so much more!

First….

Thank you so much to everyone for being so supportive and so patient as we get things rolling!

Second….

We now have our Remembrance page up for all our Angels, as well as a scroll that rolls on the bottom of our entire website. You can have your Angel be a part of this list simply by contacting us here. I can usually get the Angel listing updated within 24 hours of your submission. The scroll at the bottom of our site is simply a name, but the remembrance page has name, date of birth, the date they gained their wings, age, picture, etc. We are happy to customize that section for you in many different ways.

Third….

We also have a newsletter that we will begin sending out monthly that we will post the names of Angels who were born or passed in that month. If you would like to be a part of that, make sure to sign up here. As time goes on, we will also be posting information about our website, updates, new projects, links to resources and so much more. We are also going to be looking for guest writers in the future.

Finally….

If you have a local school, hospital, doctor’s office, etc that you would like us to contact in regards to books, feel free to drop us a line and we’ll be happy to contact them.

Thank you!

We still have a lot of things in the works, so stay tuned and check back often for updates. Once again, thank you for your continued support, we couldn’t do this without you!

You are NOT alone!