so... May we meet again...
May is here - and for so many people that means spring time, flowers, graduations, Mother's Day, school year almost over...
For me it is a roller coaster ride straight through hell.
There's today - the 4th - and the geek in me has fun with "may the fourth be with you" and have Star Wars memes, Doctor Who memes - and just fun.
The 5th was my Grandpa's birthday. He's been gone 24 years this year. I still miss him tons, he was the biggest father figure/male role model in my life for the first 14 years of it...but I do ok with memories of him.
Then there's the 11th....that is the day that my world turned upside down, inside out, and shattered. Zackary Allen took his last breath on that day. That was the day that I had to watch my family crumble.
A happy day is the 13th, my youngest daughter's birthday (my husband's daughter actually, but I consider her one of my own and I hate the word "step"). She is such a spunky, bright, and lively girl. She just has this glow about her that is totally different from the other 4.
Of course, then there's Mother's Day - which is its own little roller coaster in one day. I have children to celebrate that day with, and an AMAZING mother-in-law...but I'm missing one child, and my own mother.
Enter the 25th - the day my mother passed away. I knew someday that I would bury her, but I just didn't think it would happen when I was almost 24. She was so young, and she missed so much of her grandchildren...but now she's the one with Zack so I guess it has evened out.
Then there's the 26th - my birthday. It is kinda hard to celebrate the day of your birth when the rest of the month leading up to that day has put you on a roller coaster you can't get off of.
This month fills me with such dread, such anxiety...then there's the days of joy or at least partial joy. This is a month that if it wasn't for my husband keeping me grounded I'm not sure I would be able to tell if I was coming or going.
This year is really hitting me hard. I don't know if it is because we've been soooo busy since the holidays that I haven't had time to process and mentally prepare myself for the flood of emotions...or if it is hitting me hard because this is 7 years now. That means we're 3/4 of the way to 10 - double digits...a milestone. That's a milestone I'm supposed to be celebrating with HIM not a milestone of mourning.
How do you handle those particular dates/months? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.